Adventures of Peroxide Man and the Boy Who Lived
by ginnyheartsharry
Summary: Harry is a forgotten hero, working as a secretary at the Ministry of Magic. But then he is sent on assignment with...Draco Malfoy! Will they kill eachother or get the job done? Sounds cheesy but bad summary,HPGW RWHG DMleprechauns. but not really
1. vive la forshadowing

The Adventures of Peroxide Man and the Boy Who Lived

Prologue

It's a world where Voldemort has been conquered, killed, and vanquished forever. It's a world where all caution is thrown to the wind; no evil can be conceived. It's a world where heroes are forgotten, yet the mediocre are lifted to prominence and prosperity. Two such people are about to collide head on. And it won't be pretty.

Ten years prior, Harry Potter destroyed the horcruxes and destroyed Voldemort. It took five years of blood and war, all culminating with Harry's praises being sung from every witch and wizard of Britain. After a year of honor, Harry's name was dropped from the vocabulary of the world. Just a name to be recorded in the books of history. Then he faced the real world.

He'd never graduated from Hogwarts, he'd never held a job but that of Voldemort's sole enemy. Harry was unqualified for most any job that did not include that cliched phrase, "do you want fries with that?" Mr. Weasley barely secured him a job at the ministry: as the secretary of the head of Magical Resources. It was degrading and dull, but circumstances were circumstances and they just couldn't be helped.

Chapter 1

Harry walked down the halls of the ministry in relative discomfort. Meetings upon meetings filled his already too busy schedule. In other words: this day was total hell. Then he saw it; the one thing that could turn his frown into a grimace of contempt, Draco Malfoy in all his greasy-glory.

"Why yes Minister, I do believe the 16th would be a delightful day for tea. Well, as soon as I finish that visit with those Trolls. Those crazy kids are always stirring up some trouble!", Draco's slimy ways had disgusted Harry, and charmed the Minister of Magic. As was apparent when the minister replied; "Trolls! Are you sure you'll be able to handle those buggers by tea time?"

"Tea-time! They'll be done by breakfast at the latest!" And the laughter that followed was so sickeningly fake, that Harry had the urge to lose his lunch. Although the taste of it had been nearly enough for that.

The minister said some last parting words to Draco, turned, and left. Malfoy spun around with a smirk painted ghastly across his pasty face. At the site of Harry, Draco beamed. Not a jolly beam, but a smile that was reminiscent of a man about to be avenged-or at least feel vastly superior.

"So Potter, how goes life as a secretary?" He paused for moment, letting the reminder of Harry's failed life sink in. Harry inwardly cringed.

"It's fine.", was his witty and biting reply.

"So I have some interesting news for you, Potter. I think you will be intrigued, in fact." Draco paused, and upon receiving no answer but a glare, he continued. "I was speaking to the Minister just the other day, as I often do, and he gave me a- well a special mission, if you will."

"Oh? And what's that?" Draco grinned.

"Well that's all very secret business…only for the _top ministry officials_ to know. But you will find out in due time."

Harry was tired of his pompous prattle. He just wanted to get his horribly monotonous day over with, so he could go home and sleep.

"So why are you telling me this?" Draco's eyes lit up, about to reveal the intent behind his tale:

"Because you're coming with me."


	2. watch as it all comes down

**Chapter 2**

Ginny gazed out the window of the tiny flat, the thick rolling fog perfectly reflecting her mood. Life wasn't supposed to be this way, the world was to be at her feet, each new day a surprise and a challenge. She'd dreamed for so long of life with Harry, and at first, it had been wonderful. Everyone knew your name, knew your husband, the couple most respected by the wizarding world. The great love story that had been printed in Witch Weekly, the Daily Prophet, even the Quibbler! But memories fade, and celebrity fades quicker.

She sighed as she realized the day had already flown, too preoccupied by her nostalgia to accomplish a thing. No dinner on the table, and all the clothes still wet. Whatever, it wasn't as if he'd notice. He hadn't noticed anything for nearly a decade. Ginny shook off the thought, she didn't want to be bitter. She didn't approve of bitterness…in theory. Ginny turned toward the window and turned pale.

Harry didn't generally cheat on his wife. Sure, there had been the drunken nights at the tavern, but those had all been brief. Accidents really, a kiss and he'd be cowering home in guilt. But no, this was different, the pressure had been building for months, he could feel it and she could feel it. And finally, in that swept up moment of passion, they'd burst. They walked back to the apartments together every day, and every day Harry's admiration grew. He lived for those short treks home, the only sparkle in his gray world. And as he leaned in to kiss her, right in front of his own home, he thought, "Ginny is the girl you marry…but Cho is the girl you cheat with."

Harry stepped inside the door to find a madwoman. Red faced and irate, she threw a skillet, which sailed out the open front door. "Wha-", Harry cried, But he was stopped by Ginny's furious exclamation: "How long? How long have you been doing this? How long has this been going on? And why? Why would you do this to me? ME! I've stayed by your side through all of this. Through the good days and the bad. You've sulked around this house for ten years! TEN YEARS! And I've done nothing but throw away my life, wasting my precious time, loving someone who'll throw it all away the first time a newer model walks by! I'm through! I'm done! I'm out!" And she threw him against the wall, and walked out of the door. Out the house, out of the room, out of his life.

Ginny had no idea where to go, if she went to the Burrow, her mother would refuse to accept it. In Molly's eyes, Harry was a god. And of course any of her brothers were simply out of the question, they'd just band together and take Harry down. West Side Story style. Of course…that might not be all that bad…..But no, she couldn't do that to Ron. She only had one place to go, and Ginny hoped it was the right place for her.

She stepped up to the door and knocked. The plaque nailed to it read "S.P.E.W: Headquarters". A tiny house elf opened it, "Hello, miss!" the elf squeaked "Please come in. If you'll take a seat to the left, mistress will be with you shortly." At that, the house elf hopped behind a low desk, and took a letter from one of the many owls waiting impatiently. Ginny surveyed the small lobby, amused with the various posters that had been posted on the walls. One showed a disgruntled house-elf, who shouted at intervals "Won't work a day, without pay!" Another bore a large sock, the caption beneath proclaiming, "Stop slavery. It's that simple." Ginny almost cracked grin at the adamant propaganda, but it fell when she remembered why she was there. Yet before she could be totally encased in misery, a warm "Hello!" approached her. She looked up to see Hermione Granger grinning down at her. Ginny tried to respond, but only released her carefully concealed sobs.

"Ginny?" Hermione asked "Ginny what's wrong?" Ginny wailed louder, startling the house-elf receptionist and leaving Hermione so much more confused. "Ginny, come on, get up, lets go to my office. I have a potion that'll do you some good. Ginny nodded through her tears and followed Hermione through a door to her right. She collapsed in the nearest chair, while Hermione rummaged through drawers. Finally, she found the small vial, and brought it to Ginny. "Here," she said "It's a Calming Draught." Ginny took the bottle and downed the contents in one gulp. Over the next five minutes her wails steadily decreased in decibels, till she was silent. Downcast and depressed, but silent.

"Now," said Hermione "what's wrong". Ginny took a moment, searching for the words. "Well," she said quietly, hesitantly "I believe I've left Harry." "What? Why? What happened? I mean you and Harry…nobody will believe it! I can't believe it!"

"Hermione, he cheated on me. He cheated on me with Cho Chang."

Hermione's shocked silence filled the air, the lingering questions growing thicker by the moment. "How did you find out?"

"I saw it. From my window. They just…snogged each other! Right there in the street, where anyone could see."

"Are you sure it wasn't an accident?"

"What?! Some accident!"

Hermione sighed "Well, maybe she kissed him…"

"Hermione, it was a long kiss. He would have broken it off. He would have been shocked. But Harry was all in. Anyways, that's not why I'm here. I need a place to stay. Anywhere else just won't work. There's too many…expectations."

"Okay, I've got a very comfortable couch upstairs. Come on, I'll get your things."

Ginny cracked a weak smile "Thank-you Hermione, you don't even know.

Five hours later, and Ginny was asleep. Hermione glanced up at her clock: 9:00. It was time. She walked the narrow hallway to her bedroom. A small room but, cozily furnished in yellows and reds. A small fire flickered cheerfully in the hearth. Hermione settled in a large armchair in front of the flames, and waited. He was always late. The flames danced to the beat of the crackling wood, twisting and writhing in their ancient dance. Hermione's lids grew heavy, laden with the worries of the day. Just as she drifted into that world of sleep, a sizzle and a "pop!" rebounded off the walls of the room. Ron Weasley's head hung in the air above the fire, his hair blending with the crimson blaze.

"You're late." Hermione was cross, she hated being woken up so suddenly. Ron grinned in return, "And you're surprised?" Hermione grumbled about the importance of punctuality, how he'd never amount to anything if he didn't better organize his time. "Hey, Hermione" "What." Her voice was flat and irritated. "C'mere a sec!" Hermione rolled her eyes, kneeling in front of the fire with her head nearly in the fire. Rons lips met hers , but she cut it off quickly. "Your sister's here." Hermione said.

"What? Now there's a mood killer! Why's she there?" Ron asked.

"Well…Ron you'd better brace yourself…she and um Harry…"

"Is she pregnant? I told them to wait till…never. I hate kids and I don't want to be 'Uncle Won'." Hermione sighed, she could see that he was trying to mask excitement. Ron really did love kids. In an "I can't stand you" way. "No it's not a baby. Ginny's left Harry. He cheated on her." Ron blinked once. And then again. He raised an eyebrow, and slowly turned scarlet. In a shaking voice he said, "Well you're not one to mince words are you, Hermione."

"No, I suppose I don't have the patience . But you had to know. And better now than later. Right?"

"Right. I guess. But never knowing is a good option too, you know."

"I think eventually youd've noticed." Hermione glanced at him, half his face was contorted in confusion, the other half anger.

"I think I'll kill him." Said Ron.

"Oh honestly! He's your best friend!," but Hermione wouldn't have begrudged him the opportunity if Ron had really meant it."

"He's dead to me." Ron's face was stony.

Hermione shook her head, "Go to bed. I'll see you tomorrow." They kissed and Ron Weasley's head vanished into the flames.


End file.
